Several years ago my husband and I were invited by friends to attend the local church. My husband and I had just had our second baby, Eric, and we were thinking about baptism. The thought of going to church made me recall a conversation I had with my maternal grandfather shortly before he died.
I was visiting my grandfather in the Saint John Regional Hospital as he recovered from congestive heart failure. My grandfather and I were talking about big life events. I was single with no children at the time. Mind you, I was not in a hurry for either status change since I was in my 20s. He asked me “If you get married, do you plan to get married in a church?” I nonchalantly responded with “well, of course” while blistering from his use of the word “if”. He followed up by saying “And, if you have children, will you have them baptized in a church?” Cringing at the second “if” deployment, I retorted “absolutely!” Unrelenting, he posed “do you regularly go to church now?” “Well, not exactly,” being honest.
He closed the conversation with a zinger: “So, you will take from the church when you get married. You will take from the church for the sake of your children. What are you giving to the church in return?” I sheepishly promised to be more than a C&E Christian, i.e., go to church more often than Christmas and Easter.
I recalled this conversation and my promise for many years and, yet, did not attend church regularly. I did not keep my promise. I simply had not found a place to call home in a church sense. Some ministers would yell from the pulpit with black robe wings flying as arms were raised to the heavens to make an exclamatory point. Some ministers spoke only of sin and how we had best walk the line, lest we find ourselves gnashing teeth surrounded by fire and brimstone. Others were flat out boring.
Despite the minister-factor, perhaps the choir could save the service and lure me into faithful promissory compliance. That is, I love to listen to choir music. I hate singing myself but will listen all day long. I confess that sometimes I mouth the words during hymns without making a sound. Sometimes I flat out don’t open the hymn book so I can focus on listening. Sometimes I mumble the words. Very, very rarely will I actually sing myself. I sang at my mother’s funeral will all my pulmonary might but, truly, that was an exceptional service.
I look to the choir for inspiration. Some choirs are simply not into the music. They don’t sway or put their emotions and voice to the meaning of the song. I know I should be appreciative that someone other than me is singing, but if the choir is not inspired, I am not inspired.
So, when our friends suggested that we try Westfield United Church in Grand Bay-Westfield, New Brunswick, I was willing, but skeptical. I had heard the minister was wonderful, but could this minister coach me to connect with God? I had heard the choir was good, but was that just people being nice?
I had other questions that raised my skepticism about this church. I am not opposed to divorce. Will that be a problem? I think that if you can find someone you love and respect, and that person loves and respects you, you should be together regardless of race or gender. Will that be a problem? I fully embrace science and see the beauty in the mysteries that unfold under the diligent and observant eyes of scientists. Will that be a problem?
In walked Rev. Dr. Elizabeth Stevenson (“Elizabeth”). A woman minister! This was an excellent start. Elizabeth is responsible for Westfield United Church as well as Long Reach United Church and Summerville-Bayswater United Church. Collectively, they call themselves Two Rivers Pastoral Charge. Elizabeth has, without a doubt, changed my relationship with the church. Elizabeth’s approach has been to establish a gradual and gentle invitation to participate. Indeed, I have said ‘no’ to many tasks, but I have also said ‘yes’ to many more.
I must give a nod to the choir. They are not good, they are exceptional. They hail from a small community, and yet their talents rival larger choirs. The members are devoted to the music and it is plain to hear with every palpable note they exhale. The choir director evidently brings out the best in the choir. I have to assume that Elizabeth brings out the best in the choir director and the choir members themselves.
So, what does this have to do with a major career change? My relationship with the church may never have happened if Elizabeth had not made a crucial pivot in her career many years ago. I know she was not thinking of me at the time she did it, she did not even know me. But, without her placement at Westfield United Church beside the amazing choir, I may not have kept my promise to my grandfather. Or, if I had, it would have been significantly less enjoyable to fulfill.
Sometimes, we think of a career change as only affecting ourselves. It is hard to envision the positive ripple effects decades down the line. And yet, here we are. I told you how I ended up at Westfield United Church. Now, let’s find out how Elizabeth ended up in the midst. And, see for yourself how she approaches life’s big issues like divorce, acceptance and science.
Kopeability: Once upon a time, your career was in the field of science. What was your work like then and how long were you in that field?
Answer: I worked in the field of science for 25 years. I began as a medical laboratory technologist working in a hospital medical laboratory in Charlottetown, PEI. Technologists did everything from drawing blood from patients to doing the various tests at the lab bench. Gradually my work became specialized in chemistry.
When my three children were young, I left paid work for three years and became a full time mother. After this brief stay at home, I returned to paid work - part time (3/5) in microbiology - for several years at the Veterinary Pathology Lab in Charlottetown.
I spent the last 10 years in the field of science working full time in a high tech chemistry lab as supervisor in toxicology at the Atlantic Veterinary College.
Kopeability: You are now an adored minister with the United Church of Canada, specifically Two Rivers Pastoral Charge. That was a major transition. What happened that initially pulled your thoughts in the direction of the church?
Answer: In ministry terms we speak of a “sense of call to ministry.” It is something difficult to articulate in a few words, except to say that it is a feeling that there is something I must do, say and be. There is a sense that the ‘something’ will cost my very life and at the same time offer life abundant.
In hindsight I don’t know of a time when I did not have thoughts/feelings of the Spirit being active in my life. The only language I knew came from within the church. Except for a few teenage years, I have always been involved in church. I like to imagine that seeds of this ‘sense of call’ were planted early in my life.
A major transition occurred when I went through a divorce. Once I rose for the ashes of divorce, I experienced all the energy that I had put into trying to fix something that was unfixable, being released for other things. I also evolved from that experience with a tremendous spirit of gratitude.
It is amazing - once you start looking at possibilities - opportunities abound. An opportunity came up to serve our partner church in the Philippines. I took a leave of absence and served in a Health Care program with the United Church of Christ based in Metro Manila, Philippines. This was a life changing experience - life changing physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.
I returned to work unsettled. I had a good job. I had security. I was well recognized in my field. I had many friends, a couple of kindred spirits. Yet the Spirit would not rest. It was a positive pull to contribute something - that I had ‘something to say’. All this was unfolding as other aspects of my life were unfolding - intimate experiences of the Spirit in worship, in conversations, in retreats.
I remember a particular university seminar course in psychology and spirituality. Everyone in the class spoke of a judgmental God and a punishing church. I remember thinking “That is not my church, that is not my God.” I had something to say.
Kopeability: What was your first step in actively pursuing a life as a minister?
Answer: Asking the question aloud to a trusted mentor. “Do you suppose I could be a minister?’
Kopeability: What appealed to you about the United Church of Canada (“UCC”), as opposed to other Christian denominations or other religions?
Answer: To be truthful I had no other experience. I was born into the United Church. That being said, the United Church offered a woman as a model and mentor.
From childhood experiences I was filled with a sense of justice. I was given the eyes to see and heart to include those on the margins of society. Perhaps, because I was often the one on the margins. The UCC’s sense of social justice filled my desire to make a difference for myself and others. The UCC offered - “Why do I do what I do?”
In the church I discovered two scriptures that form the foundation of my vocation:
-Micah “What does God require of us? To seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God.”
-Luke: the greatest commandment - “Love God, love your neighbour, love yourself with heart and mind and soul.”
The rest is commentary.
Kopeability: Can you explain vocational discernment?
Answer: For me, it means “sifting with my head and deciding with my heart.” It is about having conversations that matter. To help explain vocational discernment I turn to thoughts of others:
-Parker Palmer speaks of “when your deepest heart desire meets the world’s deepest needs” that is where we are to be.
-“Intellect can be crazy making when not connected to the wisdom of the heart and the gut.”
-“If you have no anxiety, the risk you are about to take is probably not worthy of you. Only risks you have outgrown fail to frighten you.” (David Viscott)
Kopeability: Was there anyone in particular who counselled you as you turned your career and life in this direction?
Answer: My minister and mentor Elaine Smith. She modelled integrity and honesty in a way I had not experienced. She affirmed my sense of call.
Also the UCC has a wonderful discernment process called “Discerning the Call.” The process begins with 1 year of discernment meeting monthly with a group of church people, followed by annual interviews with both Presbytery and Conference to discern your ‘suitability and readiness’ for ministry. In total I had approximately 17 interviews between saying aloud “Could I be a minister?” to the laying on of hands at ordination.
Kopeability: There must have been challenging times during your transition. How did you cope?
Answer: Challenging yes! Terrifying yes! At the same time there was an incredible sense of adventure. Leaving my job and the security it offered was terrifying. What if it didn't work out? Putting my three children at financial risk left me with feelings of guilt. For the first time they had no health coverage - something I discovered is a great privilege. Leaving my community and friends was terrifying. Yet I never felt alone. I was in a place of privilege and status.
How did I cope? I cried. I prayed. I pleaded. I laughed. I read. I talked. From the experience in the Philippines I came to realize that I could live with very little; I was much more aware and able to separate needs from wants (most of the time).
Kopeability: If you met someone who was contemplating a similar change, what coping advice would you give that person?
Answer: Seek out wisdom in honest mentors who will speak their truth in love; listen to the story of others; be attentive to your thoughts; figure out the one thing you know and tell someone how you know that; pray - that is let your fears and dreams be known to some Power other than yourself; trust your gut; bow down in awe before the wonder of this world; be vulnerable; forgive.
Kopeability: How did your family and friends handle the news of your intentions?
Answer: I think going to the Philippines led the way to the realization that anything was possible.
I was surrounded by love, support and admiration that I was taking such a step. They were all very supportive and affirming. Quietly I heard whispers of ‘she’s going through a change of life.’
Also, going into ministry changes the dynamics around the table. You are now ‘set apart’, even as a student, both within church land and within my family and friends. I started receiving ‘religious' jokes, books, CDs. They stopped swearing at family gatherings. Stopped passing on sexual jokes. My God, do we think ministers don't have sex! My father suggested I not drink beer from a bottle. I remember him saying, “You’re a minister now… put that away.” Being set part can be lonely. It was and is for me… at times.
At the same time, it was all good.
Kopeability: If you met someone (partner, child, parent, etc…) who supports and loves a person contemplating this type of life change, what coping advice would you give that person?
Answer: Be honest. Speak the truth with love. If it hurts, say so. If you are afraid, say so. If you have doubts about whether you can do this, say so. Honour your needs as well as supporting the person you love. Don’t expect anyone to read minds. Find out the common points of interest in the new adventure.
Kopeability: Has your prior career made you a better minister?
Answer: I think my experience in understanding the wonder and the limitations of science is extremely helpful. I can embrace science and theology.
For those who worship science - I like to remind us that science constantly reveals what is before our eyes all the time. I am intrigued and like to think I understand a wee bit about quantum spirituality… at least on my good days.
My work in a human hospital situation helps me translate medical terminology and treatment plans for some members of our congregations.
My work in basic research offers a wee bit of insight into the workings of the human brain at the cellular level - certainly when trying to make sense of the teenage brain.
In addition, the biggest gift my life experience brings to ministry is that of growing up on a farm, being a mother of three, loving an addict and living through the death of divorce.
Kopeability: You are now moving in the direction of retirement. How are you coping with the current process of transitioning from active ministry to retirement?
Answer: Retirement seems surreal. I do not like the word. Part of me is in denial… other parts are doing the necessary work - like planning to move out of the manse, tossing books I don't want anyone to read. (Bad theology)
Then reality strikes. For example - it is ministry as usual… we are planning for Advent. Just when I think I have put that transition in its proper place, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about my annual Christmas letter. Then the realization that this will be my last Christmas letter struck my soul! I wept. Then I remembered the many people of our story who also had to take the next steps without knowing where those steps would lead.
I wrote the Christmas letter in the wee hours. But have not yet taken a look at what I wrote.
I believe I did the right thing in giving us all a one year notice. This frees me up to speak aloud about the transition, to hear what I think as I speak, to laugh and cry about it all… in public… and receive the love and support I so need.
Kopeability: My sincere thanks to Elizabeth in honestly sharing her life.
No single coping technique takes all the pain away.
Try anyway.
Maggie
I was visiting my grandfather in the Saint John Regional Hospital as he recovered from congestive heart failure. My grandfather and I were talking about big life events. I was single with no children at the time. Mind you, I was not in a hurry for either status change since I was in my 20s. He asked me “If you get married, do you plan to get married in a church?” I nonchalantly responded with “well, of course” while blistering from his use of the word “if”. He followed up by saying “And, if you have children, will you have them baptized in a church?” Cringing at the second “if” deployment, I retorted “absolutely!” Unrelenting, he posed “do you regularly go to church now?” “Well, not exactly,” being honest.
He closed the conversation with a zinger: “So, you will take from the church when you get married. You will take from the church for the sake of your children. What are you giving to the church in return?” I sheepishly promised to be more than a C&E Christian, i.e., go to church more often than Christmas and Easter.
I recalled this conversation and my promise for many years and, yet, did not attend church regularly. I did not keep my promise. I simply had not found a place to call home in a church sense. Some ministers would yell from the pulpit with black robe wings flying as arms were raised to the heavens to make an exclamatory point. Some ministers spoke only of sin and how we had best walk the line, lest we find ourselves gnashing teeth surrounded by fire and brimstone. Others were flat out boring.
Despite the minister-factor, perhaps the choir could save the service and lure me into faithful promissory compliance. That is, I love to listen to choir music. I hate singing myself but will listen all day long. I confess that sometimes I mouth the words during hymns without making a sound. Sometimes I flat out don’t open the hymn book so I can focus on listening. Sometimes I mumble the words. Very, very rarely will I actually sing myself. I sang at my mother’s funeral will all my pulmonary might but, truly, that was an exceptional service.
I look to the choir for inspiration. Some choirs are simply not into the music. They don’t sway or put their emotions and voice to the meaning of the song. I know I should be appreciative that someone other than me is singing, but if the choir is not inspired, I am not inspired.
So, when our friends suggested that we try Westfield United Church in Grand Bay-Westfield, New Brunswick, I was willing, but skeptical. I had heard the minister was wonderful, but could this minister coach me to connect with God? I had heard the choir was good, but was that just people being nice?
I had other questions that raised my skepticism about this church. I am not opposed to divorce. Will that be a problem? I think that if you can find someone you love and respect, and that person loves and respects you, you should be together regardless of race or gender. Will that be a problem? I fully embrace science and see the beauty in the mysteries that unfold under the diligent and observant eyes of scientists. Will that be a problem?
In walked Rev. Dr. Elizabeth Stevenson (“Elizabeth”). A woman minister! This was an excellent start. Elizabeth is responsible for Westfield United Church as well as Long Reach United Church and Summerville-Bayswater United Church. Collectively, they call themselves Two Rivers Pastoral Charge. Elizabeth has, without a doubt, changed my relationship with the church. Elizabeth’s approach has been to establish a gradual and gentle invitation to participate. Indeed, I have said ‘no’ to many tasks, but I have also said ‘yes’ to many more.
I must give a nod to the choir. They are not good, they are exceptional. They hail from a small community, and yet their talents rival larger choirs. The members are devoted to the music and it is plain to hear with every palpable note they exhale. The choir director evidently brings out the best in the choir. I have to assume that Elizabeth brings out the best in the choir director and the choir members themselves.
So, what does this have to do with a major career change? My relationship with the church may never have happened if Elizabeth had not made a crucial pivot in her career many years ago. I know she was not thinking of me at the time she did it, she did not even know me. But, without her placement at Westfield United Church beside the amazing choir, I may not have kept my promise to my grandfather. Or, if I had, it would have been significantly less enjoyable to fulfill.
Sometimes, we think of a career change as only affecting ourselves. It is hard to envision the positive ripple effects decades down the line. And yet, here we are. I told you how I ended up at Westfield United Church. Now, let’s find out how Elizabeth ended up in the midst. And, see for yourself how she approaches life’s big issues like divorce, acceptance and science.
Kopeability: Once upon a time, your career was in the field of science. What was your work like then and how long were you in that field?
Answer: I worked in the field of science for 25 years. I began as a medical laboratory technologist working in a hospital medical laboratory in Charlottetown, PEI. Technologists did everything from drawing blood from patients to doing the various tests at the lab bench. Gradually my work became specialized in chemistry.
When my three children were young, I left paid work for three years and became a full time mother. After this brief stay at home, I returned to paid work - part time (3/5) in microbiology - for several years at the Veterinary Pathology Lab in Charlottetown.
I spent the last 10 years in the field of science working full time in a high tech chemistry lab as supervisor in toxicology at the Atlantic Veterinary College.
Kopeability: You are now an adored minister with the United Church of Canada, specifically Two Rivers Pastoral Charge. That was a major transition. What happened that initially pulled your thoughts in the direction of the church?
Answer: In ministry terms we speak of a “sense of call to ministry.” It is something difficult to articulate in a few words, except to say that it is a feeling that there is something I must do, say and be. There is a sense that the ‘something’ will cost my very life and at the same time offer life abundant.
In hindsight I don’t know of a time when I did not have thoughts/feelings of the Spirit being active in my life. The only language I knew came from within the church. Except for a few teenage years, I have always been involved in church. I like to imagine that seeds of this ‘sense of call’ were planted early in my life.
A major transition occurred when I went through a divorce. Once I rose for the ashes of divorce, I experienced all the energy that I had put into trying to fix something that was unfixable, being released for other things. I also evolved from that experience with a tremendous spirit of gratitude.
It is amazing - once you start looking at possibilities - opportunities abound. An opportunity came up to serve our partner church in the Philippines. I took a leave of absence and served in a Health Care program with the United Church of Christ based in Metro Manila, Philippines. This was a life changing experience - life changing physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.
I returned to work unsettled. I had a good job. I had security. I was well recognized in my field. I had many friends, a couple of kindred spirits. Yet the Spirit would not rest. It was a positive pull to contribute something - that I had ‘something to say’. All this was unfolding as other aspects of my life were unfolding - intimate experiences of the Spirit in worship, in conversations, in retreats.
I remember a particular university seminar course in psychology and spirituality. Everyone in the class spoke of a judgmental God and a punishing church. I remember thinking “That is not my church, that is not my God.” I had something to say.
Kopeability: What was your first step in actively pursuing a life as a minister?
Answer: Asking the question aloud to a trusted mentor. “Do you suppose I could be a minister?’
Kopeability: What appealed to you about the United Church of Canada (“UCC”), as opposed to other Christian denominations or other religions?
Answer: To be truthful I had no other experience. I was born into the United Church. That being said, the United Church offered a woman as a model and mentor.
From childhood experiences I was filled with a sense of justice. I was given the eyes to see and heart to include those on the margins of society. Perhaps, because I was often the one on the margins. The UCC’s sense of social justice filled my desire to make a difference for myself and others. The UCC offered - “Why do I do what I do?”
In the church I discovered two scriptures that form the foundation of my vocation:
-Micah “What does God require of us? To seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God.”
-Luke: the greatest commandment - “Love God, love your neighbour, love yourself with heart and mind and soul.”
The rest is commentary.
Kopeability: Can you explain vocational discernment?
Answer: For me, it means “sifting with my head and deciding with my heart.” It is about having conversations that matter. To help explain vocational discernment I turn to thoughts of others:
-Parker Palmer speaks of “when your deepest heart desire meets the world’s deepest needs” that is where we are to be.
-“Intellect can be crazy making when not connected to the wisdom of the heart and the gut.”
-“If you have no anxiety, the risk you are about to take is probably not worthy of you. Only risks you have outgrown fail to frighten you.” (David Viscott)
Kopeability: Was there anyone in particular who counselled you as you turned your career and life in this direction?
Answer: My minister and mentor Elaine Smith. She modelled integrity and honesty in a way I had not experienced. She affirmed my sense of call.
Also the UCC has a wonderful discernment process called “Discerning the Call.” The process begins with 1 year of discernment meeting monthly with a group of church people, followed by annual interviews with both Presbytery and Conference to discern your ‘suitability and readiness’ for ministry. In total I had approximately 17 interviews between saying aloud “Could I be a minister?” to the laying on of hands at ordination.
Kopeability: There must have been challenging times during your transition. How did you cope?
Answer: Challenging yes! Terrifying yes! At the same time there was an incredible sense of adventure. Leaving my job and the security it offered was terrifying. What if it didn't work out? Putting my three children at financial risk left me with feelings of guilt. For the first time they had no health coverage - something I discovered is a great privilege. Leaving my community and friends was terrifying. Yet I never felt alone. I was in a place of privilege and status.
How did I cope? I cried. I prayed. I pleaded. I laughed. I read. I talked. From the experience in the Philippines I came to realize that I could live with very little; I was much more aware and able to separate needs from wants (most of the time).
Kopeability: If you met someone who was contemplating a similar change, what coping advice would you give that person?
Answer: Seek out wisdom in honest mentors who will speak their truth in love; listen to the story of others; be attentive to your thoughts; figure out the one thing you know and tell someone how you know that; pray - that is let your fears and dreams be known to some Power other than yourself; trust your gut; bow down in awe before the wonder of this world; be vulnerable; forgive.
Kopeability: How did your family and friends handle the news of your intentions?
Answer: I think going to the Philippines led the way to the realization that anything was possible.
I was surrounded by love, support and admiration that I was taking such a step. They were all very supportive and affirming. Quietly I heard whispers of ‘she’s going through a change of life.’
Also, going into ministry changes the dynamics around the table. You are now ‘set apart’, even as a student, both within church land and within my family and friends. I started receiving ‘religious' jokes, books, CDs. They stopped swearing at family gatherings. Stopped passing on sexual jokes. My God, do we think ministers don't have sex! My father suggested I not drink beer from a bottle. I remember him saying, “You’re a minister now… put that away.” Being set part can be lonely. It was and is for me… at times.
At the same time, it was all good.
Kopeability: If you met someone (partner, child, parent, etc…) who supports and loves a person contemplating this type of life change, what coping advice would you give that person?
Answer: Be honest. Speak the truth with love. If it hurts, say so. If you are afraid, say so. If you have doubts about whether you can do this, say so. Honour your needs as well as supporting the person you love. Don’t expect anyone to read minds. Find out the common points of interest in the new adventure.
Kopeability: Has your prior career made you a better minister?
Answer: I think my experience in understanding the wonder and the limitations of science is extremely helpful. I can embrace science and theology.
For those who worship science - I like to remind us that science constantly reveals what is before our eyes all the time. I am intrigued and like to think I understand a wee bit about quantum spirituality… at least on my good days.
My work in a human hospital situation helps me translate medical terminology and treatment plans for some members of our congregations.
My work in basic research offers a wee bit of insight into the workings of the human brain at the cellular level - certainly when trying to make sense of the teenage brain.
In addition, the biggest gift my life experience brings to ministry is that of growing up on a farm, being a mother of three, loving an addict and living through the death of divorce.
Kopeability: You are now moving in the direction of retirement. How are you coping with the current process of transitioning from active ministry to retirement?
Answer: Retirement seems surreal. I do not like the word. Part of me is in denial… other parts are doing the necessary work - like planning to move out of the manse, tossing books I don't want anyone to read. (Bad theology)
Then reality strikes. For example - it is ministry as usual… we are planning for Advent. Just when I think I have put that transition in its proper place, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about my annual Christmas letter. Then the realization that this will be my last Christmas letter struck my soul! I wept. Then I remembered the many people of our story who also had to take the next steps without knowing where those steps would lead.
I wrote the Christmas letter in the wee hours. But have not yet taken a look at what I wrote.
I believe I did the right thing in giving us all a one year notice. This frees me up to speak aloud about the transition, to hear what I think as I speak, to laugh and cry about it all… in public… and receive the love and support I so need.
Kopeability: My sincere thanks to Elizabeth in honestly sharing her life.
No single coping technique takes all the pain away.
Try anyway.
Maggie
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