July is purposeful parenting month in the United States. The idea behind National Purposeful Parenting Month is to "build strong, positive, functional families with children of any age, recognizing the importance of meaningful relationships between parents and children." (source: Tutor Time Plymouth Michigan).
For our family, we easily get caught up in the hustle and bustle of weekly routines. Getting in quality time gets harder and harder. One fun thing we do with our kids that might align with this idea of purposeful parenting is volunteering.
"Studies have shown that volunteering helps people who donate their time feel more socially connected, thus warding off loneliness and depression." (source: Harvard Medical School, www.health.harvard.edu/blog/volunteering-may-be-good-for-body-and-mind-201306266428). I interpret this quote as saying that volunteering is actually a coping strategy for many mental health reasons and for positive social development in our children. So, we all know that volunteering is good for our health, but how to translate that into purposeful parenting?
For our family, we easily get caught up in the hustle and bustle of weekly routines. Getting in quality time gets harder and harder. One fun thing we do with our kids that might align with this idea of purposeful parenting is volunteering.
"Studies have shown that volunteering helps people who donate their time feel more socially connected, thus warding off loneliness and depression." (source: Harvard Medical School, www.health.harvard.edu/blog/volunteering-may-be-good-for-body-and-mind-201306266428). I interpret this quote as saying that volunteering is actually a coping strategy for many mental health reasons and for positive social development in our children. So, we all know that volunteering is good for our health, but how to translate that into purposeful parenting?
Kids are not always welcome in volunteer settings. Plus, the volunteering has to be meaningful for the kids. For us, that meant helping a refugee family settle in our community and helping at a soup kitchen.
Refugee Family:
This picture is the result of our boys and their cousins shopping for a refugee family prior to their arrival in our country, Canada. On arrival our kids played with the new children: sliding, snow shoeing, egg painting, swimming, maple tree tapping and BBQs. The family is more socially independent now that they have settled, but we still meet up with them from time to time.
We are hopeful our boys are learning that so long as you are alive and healthy, "things" don't matter. Getting to know our new immigrants has shown us that it takes strength to flee all that is familiar for the sake of family safety. Best of all, if we are willing to share what we have, we all become better. Some days I think our kids get it, and some days it goes right over their heads. But, my husband and I are in it for the long game so we shall see.
Refugee Family:
This picture is the result of our boys and their cousins shopping for a refugee family prior to their arrival in our country, Canada. On arrival our kids played with the new children: sliding, snow shoeing, egg painting, swimming, maple tree tapping and BBQs. The family is more socially independent now that they have settled, but we still meet up with them from time to time.
We are hopeful our boys are learning that so long as you are alive and healthy, "things" don't matter. Getting to know our new immigrants has shown us that it takes strength to flee all that is familiar for the sake of family safety. Best of all, if we are willing to share what we have, we all become better. Some days I think our kids get it, and some days it goes right over their heads. But, my husband and I are in it for the long game so we shall see.
Soup Kitchens:
Our other meaningful family volunteering is to help at a soup kitchen. Not all soup kitchens allow children but we found one that was happy to put our kids to work. We have only volunteered a few times but already the boys know their jobs. One likes to pour the drinks. My husband usually supervises because this can get messy. One likes to serve, but he can only carry one plate at a time. Luckily, the other adult volunteers are grateful for the help and happy to pick up the heavier plates.
The first night at the soup kitchen our boys didn't pay much attention to anything but their jobs. They were great with the patrons. We told them to think of the guests as customers at a paying restaurant and that it was their job to serve the patrons accordingly. That meant manners - manners - manners. They did a fabulous job. Then, when the meal was over our boys asked "so when do we get to eat?" Hmmm. not the discussion we were hoping for but we stuck with it and volunteered the next month in the hopes that it would eventually sink in.
The next month our boys began to notice that one person had no hand. Our boys also noticed that many looked and smelled like they hadn't bathed in a long time. The boys started to ask questions. The drive home was a good conversation but they still wanted to know if they could have some sort of treat, ignoring the fact that they had a full meal before we started. Still, it was progress.
The third month they got it. One of the guests was a pregnant woman. She was so skinny you would not know she was pregnant until she stood up. She had a cell phone with an ultrasound picture of her baby. She proudly showed all of us. The adults took the lead with oohing and aahing over the picture and treating her like she was a family member showing a photo. The boys took the hint and asked to see the picture too. The boys said things like "I wonder what colour eyes the baby will have? Will the baby have brown hair?" I was so proud of them.
On the drive home they asked even more questions. Where will she sleep? Where will the baby sleep? What if the soup kitchen is closed for some reason? The point wasn't to make the boys feel guilty about what they have or to feel pity for those who are struggling. Rather, that we all have a part to play and that part is to be delivered respectfully and with dignity. If they remember that more times than not, then they should grow up with a strong sense of compassion.
The concept of Purposeful Parenting Month as outlined at the top of this blog referred to meaningful relationships among parents and children. We are seeing that our relationship with our kids is more meaningful when we volunteer together. So, we definitely plan on continuing with our refugee family relationship and soup kitchen serving for what we hope to be long term benefits of purposeful parenting.
The boys want to form a "Change the world Club." They are currently arguing over who gets to be the president. The club may take a while...
No single coping technique will take all the pain away.
Try anyway.
Maggie
*2015Canada statistic was pulled from http://www.statcan.gc.ca
**2014United States statistic was pulled from http://www.worldhunger.org
Our other meaningful family volunteering is to help at a soup kitchen. Not all soup kitchens allow children but we found one that was happy to put our kids to work. We have only volunteered a few times but already the boys know their jobs. One likes to pour the drinks. My husband usually supervises because this can get messy. One likes to serve, but he can only carry one plate at a time. Luckily, the other adult volunteers are grateful for the help and happy to pick up the heavier plates.
The first night at the soup kitchen our boys didn't pay much attention to anything but their jobs. They were great with the patrons. We told them to think of the guests as customers at a paying restaurant and that it was their job to serve the patrons accordingly. That meant manners - manners - manners. They did a fabulous job. Then, when the meal was over our boys asked "so when do we get to eat?" Hmmm. not the discussion we were hoping for but we stuck with it and volunteered the next month in the hopes that it would eventually sink in.
The next month our boys began to notice that one person had no hand. Our boys also noticed that many looked and smelled like they hadn't bathed in a long time. The boys started to ask questions. The drive home was a good conversation but they still wanted to know if they could have some sort of treat, ignoring the fact that they had a full meal before we started. Still, it was progress.
The third month they got it. One of the guests was a pregnant woman. She was so skinny you would not know she was pregnant until she stood up. She had a cell phone with an ultrasound picture of her baby. She proudly showed all of us. The adults took the lead with oohing and aahing over the picture and treating her like she was a family member showing a photo. The boys took the hint and asked to see the picture too. The boys said things like "I wonder what colour eyes the baby will have? Will the baby have brown hair?" I was so proud of them.
On the drive home they asked even more questions. Where will she sleep? Where will the baby sleep? What if the soup kitchen is closed for some reason? The point wasn't to make the boys feel guilty about what they have or to feel pity for those who are struggling. Rather, that we all have a part to play and that part is to be delivered respectfully and with dignity. If they remember that more times than not, then they should grow up with a strong sense of compassion.
The concept of Purposeful Parenting Month as outlined at the top of this blog referred to meaningful relationships among parents and children. We are seeing that our relationship with our kids is more meaningful when we volunteer together. So, we definitely plan on continuing with our refugee family relationship and soup kitchen serving for what we hope to be long term benefits of purposeful parenting.
The boys want to form a "Change the world Club." They are currently arguing over who gets to be the president. The club may take a while...
No single coping technique will take all the pain away.
Try anyway.
Maggie
*2015Canada statistic was pulled from http://www.statcan.gc.ca
**2014United States statistic was pulled from http://www.worldhunger.org
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