<![CDATA[Kopeability - Leafing through literature.]]>

<![CDATA[Kopeability - Leafing through literature.]]>Sat, 30 May 2020 13:33:45 -0300Weebly<![CDATA[FIVE THINGS SHARED BETWEEN FRANK O'DEA (CO-FOUNDER OF SECOND CUP) AND TERRY BLIZZARD (FOUNDER OF AFTERBURN PERFORMANCE)]]>Fri, 16 Sep 2016 15:28:40 GMThttps://kopeability.weebly.com/leafing-through-literature/five-things-about-frank-odea-co-founder-of-second-cup

Last night I had the privilege of listening to speeches given by Terry Blizzard and Frank O'Dea in support of Gentle Path Counselling Services. Both men rose above their circumstances to be role models in Canada. Terry founded Afterburn Performance and Frank co-founded Second Cup. Here are a few tidbits about Terry and Frank:

Accomplished Communicators: Frank wrote the book When All You Have Is Hope, an excellent read on reaching out and holding on to coping skills. Both Frank and Terry provide speeches with insight into resilience and determination.
History of Homelessness: At a young age Frank found himself homeless. His family was falling apart around Frank's disconnected life. He worked from job to job. When he lost job after job, he panhandled for enough money to buy alcohol for the night. Terry, in serious financial hardship, slept on the couch of his gym because he could not afford an apartment.
Accepted help: When Frank was low beyond low, he was given a dime which he used to contact Alcoholics Anonymous. His perspective was to live without alcohol or die with alcohol. Terry accepted a $5000 loan from a friend who believed Terry could do something wonderful with the money. He did.
Offer help: Both Terry and Frank give back, knowing how important it is to accept help. For example, Frank co-founded Street Kids International, an organization developed to help homeless children in third world countries, through education and self-reliance programs. Terry is out in the community, driving his story and supporting others.
Live and breath their mantras: Words like hope, vision and action thread through both of their lives. They drive home the importance of acting together. There is no excuse for communities to lose hope. If they can drag themselves out of the gutter, anyone can.

No single coping technique will take all the pain away.
Try anyway.

Maggie

]]><![CDATA[MY BAD MOM MOMENT]]>Tue, 23 Aug 2016 14:35:00 GMThttps://kopeability.weebly.com/leafing-through-literature/my-bad-mom-moment

I self-identify with the moms in the movie Bad Moms. I saw the film with some friends and, like the vast majority of the audience, we laughed ourselves silly. The movie highlights how I want to do less; but, I worry about failing my kids. Especially at this time of year. Summer is so busy as we navigate summer camps and weekend activities geared to soak up the beautiful weather.

The climate, the trips and the relaxation all add up to fun. Where I fall off the rails is when it comes to summer camps. Some camps have no structure (which drives one of my kids nuts) while others have very strict structure (which drives my other kid nuts). Some are run by adults and some are run by teenagers. Some have leaders who are awesome ("let's play capture the flag or rip apart a VCR") and some downright suck ("I don't care if you are happy, I get paid anyway"). Each week brings a fresh round of BFFs ("we both love playing ball!") and bullies ("he hit me in the stomach and then sat on me!"). Grrrr.

After a particularly frazzling month of navigating camp issues and squeezing sunny weather activities into each weekend, I was at the end of my tether. Of course, this is when I turned into a bad mom and failed my kid.

The set up
My youngest son had been anticipating a friend's birthday party all summer. He told me about the party before the school year ended. He proceeded to remind me almost every week. The party was August 11. "Got it!" The friend's mother was kind enough to reach out to me more than once to confirm the date and location. "No problem" I thought. August 11. All good! "Let's get him gift cards," my son thoughtfully exclaimed. "Check!" I was on task and in the game. Or, so I thought.

The crime
In my head, August 11 was a Friday. I have no idea why but it was stuck in my brain as such. As many others would reasonably conclude by referring to an actual calendar, August 11 was Thursday. Because I was convinced August 11 was a Friday, which we have now established that it was not, I did not take my son to the birthday party. Of course, my son's friend had his party without my boy. On that fateful Thursday night, my son was innocently home with my husband, unaware that the party was proceeding without him.

The Bad Mom factor
To add insult to injury, while I should have been taking my son to a jovial evening of frivolity I, instead, enjoyed a class of wine and chatted with my father. Then, thinking I had survived the role of mom for another day, my friend picked me up and we ran off to the movies to see "Bad Moms". In retrospect, the irony is not lost on me.

The Realization
It wasn't until the next day as I was driving my kids to yet another camp that realization hit me like a golf ball pitched at my forehead. I ogled an outdoor electric sign on my main route showing the date and temperature. Imagine me internally shrieking "NOOOOOOOO" as I cruised by the August 12 sign in what seemed like slow motion.

The Planned Fix
In our house, every hiccup must be accompanied with a remedy. The adage "don't bring me problems, bring me solutions" is a well-oiled phrase. I gulped at the thought of what this flub-up would cost me. Frantically, I reached out to the friend's mom to explain. I begged her to let me take her kid out for a special evening with my son. Just the two boys. She agreed. I mused "she is a kind and considerate woman" as I ruefully berated my own failing.

The Confession
Both of my boys have deep dark puppy dog eyes and they know how to use them on me. Their eyes are my kryptonite. With my son gently and lovingly wrapped in my arms, I confessed my sins. I outlined the make-up evening with supper, a movie and play time down by the wharf. Steeling myself for the backlash and prepared for the onslaught of emotions, I gazed fearfully at his sweet lips for what was surely coming next. He whispered to me as I held him nose-to-nose: "can we go to McDonald's for supper?" "Um, sure" I muttered. With that, it was over.

Where was the drama? Where was the anguish? Where were the recriminations? This is the same kid who isn't above screeching in horror and anguish as he enacts dinosaur stuffie attacks on his legos. What was the explanation for this unexpected reprieve from whining and, whining's cousin, wailing?

Possible Explanations
#1: Anything can be fixed with McDonald's.
#2: My kids accept me even with my mistakes.
#3: A little from #1 and a little from #2.

Conclusion:
Loving acceptance in spite of mistakes is a valid coping technique. It is the premise of the book "I Will Always be Happy to See You," written by Elaine DeLange of Rothesay, New Brunswick, Canada. The book is described as follows:

A sweet story about a little dog that knows he will always be welcomed home with open arms, no matter what trouble he may get into.

This is a great book to help your children - if they are starting daycare, school, or even university - to reassure them that, no matter what happens, you will always be happy to see them.

The book is available through eBay, Amazon and Chapters-Indigo; although I am sure there are other shops carrying it.

As you can imagine, the dog in the story makes many mistakes. My kids make many mistakes. My husband and I make many mistakes. Yet, we saunter through life knowing that we are always happy to see each other. My son could have milked the guilt trip for a month of Sundays. Instead, he accepted my gaffe (like the little girl in the story) and accepted me.

Maybe next summer, I will cope better by doing less, in the spirit of the movie. By doing less, maybe I will make less mistakes. There will always be some mistakes but I know, in the spirit of the book, my kids will always be happy to see me, as I am of them. If I am ever in doubt, McDonalds seems to do the trick! Explanation #3 it is.

No single coping technique will take all the pain away.
Try anyway.

Maggie

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]]><![CDATA[WHY IS EVERYONE WRITING ABOUT HAPPINESS AND HOW DO I FIND HAPPINESS?]]>Sun, 07 Aug 2016 18:05:36 GMThttps://kopeability.weebly.com/leafing-through-literature/why-is-everyone-writing-about-happiness-and-how-do-i-find-happiness

This week's post is a book review of "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. I confess that I am a happiness junkie. I love a good one-liner, solid cliché or book on happiness. They either make me smile or shift my mood in a positive way. Happiness strategies help me cope with whatever life is lobbing at my head. At a minimum, they give me cause to pause.
Sometimes I wonder if my fixation on happiness oriented ideas is because I find it comforting to reduce life's complexities to a brief, eloquent or at least cheesy, phrase with a singular, laser-like focus on happiness. Sometimes I wonder if it is just because I need a distraction.

Regardless of my motives, the United Nations seems to think there is something scientific in the concept of happiness. March 20 has been the International Day of Happiness since 2013. This I did not know! The World Happiness Report was written by a group of independent experts conducting a study of happiness and ranked 157 countries in order from the happiest to the least happy. Guess which country ranked #1? Denmark. Where would one find Canada and the US in the list? Numbers 6 and 13 respectively.

Whatever the reason, my happiness obsession has led me to read a copious number of books on the subject and scan a ridiculous number of happiness-oriented websites. In this blog, I have 2 websites as well as a book you might find interesting. In later blogs I want to discuss more books and blogs. I would love to know about your take on a resource. So, email me if you want to talk about happiness books or websites. We can do a book review together.

So, here goes!
Websites that you can also like/follow on Facebook:

Upworthy at www.upworthy.com: This website covers a broad spectrum of issues: from saving animals from an otherwise hard life, to teaching kids about respect and resiliency. A good example is the post about how children in Venezuela responded to a the task of drawing a recent meal. The disparity is quickly evident. Another great post is how a marital arts instructor coaches a kid through an emotionally challenging exercise that brought the child to tears. The instructor reinforced the message that it is ok to cry sometimes. The net effect being that the child has a healthy respect for his own emotions. As you can tell, Upworthy tends to highlight social issues and even the seemingly bad is "worthy" of being "up." The website spreads its messages via short stories with links to videos where appropriate.
Project Happiness at www.projecthappiness.com: This website walks you through some daily habits and you can gather people together for a Project Happiness Circle. I wouldn't mind giving the circle a try but the website makes me wonder if it is happiness version of Weight Watchers. So, I guess I am still percolating on whether I want to do it. In the meantime, they have themed blogs such as August's Awegust Challenge as well as daily affirmation-type posts. Depending on your mood when you see the posts, you might take them as cheesy or profound. The emotional response is highly individual.

This Week's Book:

Gretchen Rubin wrote The Happiness Project and, where she is a former lawyer, I suspected her writing would be rather legalistic. It is not. Instead it is an easy read for anyone.

She divides the book into months of the year. Each month has a theme. For example, February is "Remember Love" month. Shocker.

In one of the exercises it is suggested that you be incredibly kind to someone you love. I practiced this incredible kindness technique on my husband and he became suspicious. "Have I been diagnosed with something?" "Are you over-compensating for a gap in our relationship?" I freaked him out so bad that I had to confess I was conducting a happiness experiment on him. AWKWARD!

Still, the monthly themes are fun and since it has been a few years since I originally read the book, I am up for a re-read. It is one of those books you can read, give a shot at implementing some of the ideas and re-read years later for a refresher.

My favorite idea from the book is that we are happy when we are growing. True dat!

No single coping technique will take all the pain away.
Try anyway.

Maggie

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]]><![CDATA[Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Thought Records - Process for Challenging Negative Thoughts]]>Tue, 02 Aug 2016 16:22:09 GMThttps://kopeability.weebly.com/leafing-through-literature/cognitive-behaviour-therapy-cbt-and-thought-records-process-for-challenging-negative-thoughts

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]]><![CDATA[Explaining Social Thinking to Kids]]>Mon, 11 Jul 2016 19:32:27 GMThttps://kopeability.weebly.com/leafing-through-literature/explaining-social-thinking-to-kids

Click here to hear our take on the book "You are a Social Detective."

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]]><![CDATA[Why have a literature review section on a coping website?]]>Thu, 07 Jul 2016 01:05:21 GMThttps://kopeability.weebly.com/leafing-through-literature/why-have-a-literature-review-section-on-a-coping-website

I am constantly reading. I like to pull tidbits from each piece and try to apply them to life. Everything on materials related to happiness to cognitive behaviour therapy. I also happen to love reading business and entrepreneur material. It is interesting how entrepreneur and mental health books have similar themes. Coincidence?

I also hope to cover books for children and about children. Where possible I will incorporate commentary from my test group (aka my kids). To that end, the first book review, which will be the next post for this website, will be "You are a Social Detective - Explaining Social Thinking to Kids" by Michelle Gracia Winner and Pamela Crooke.
The next review will be on literature coming out of Harvard University academics studying the concept of happiness.

Be sure to like us on Facebook or sign up for our newsletter to get notification of the posts.

If you have a book, article or website you want reviewed, send a note.

No single coping technique will take all the pain away.
Try anyway.

Maggie

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